At every party there are two kinds of people: those who want to go home and those who don’t. The trouble is, they are usually married to each other.
– Ann Landers
Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.
– Jim Carrey
“After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can’t face each other, but still they stay together.”
– Hemant Joshi
“Three rings of marriage are the engagement ring, the wedding ring, and the suffering.”
“There’s a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It’s called marriage.”
– James Holt McGavran
“Women hope men will change after marriage but they don’t; men hope women won’t change but they do.”
– Bettina Arndt
“The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open.”
– Groucho Marx
“I never married because I have three pets at home that answer the same purpose as a husband. I have a dog that growls every morning, a parrot that swears all afternoon and a cat that comes home late at night.” –
“All tragedies are finished by a death, all comedies by a marriage.”
– Lord Byron
“I’d never be unfaithful to my wife for the reason that I love my house very much.”
– Bob Monkhouse
“I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.”
– Groucho Marx
Why does a woman work ten years to change a man’s habits and then complain that he’s not the man she married?
It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
“The proper basis for a marriage is mutual misunderstanding.”
Married couples resemble a pair of scissors, often moving in opposite directions, yet punishing anyone who gets in between them.
– Sydney Smith
My husband says I feed him like he’s a god: every meal is a burnt offering.
A good wife always forgives her husband when she’s wrong
In olden times, sacrifices were made at the altar, a practice that still continues.
A man in love is incomplete until he is married. Then he’s finished.
Zsa Zsa Gabor
Spouse: someone who’ll stand by you through all the trouble you wouldn’t have had if you’d stayed single